Karla Mouncey-Jaggers

Posts Tagged ‘comedy’

Reality and Fiction : One and The Same?

In Book 1 on September 18, 2011 at 11:00 am

Anyone who writes, have you ever noticed how people from your life creep into your writing?

When I told my husband that Olivia’s husband had died he was annoyed. “you killed me off?” he asked. Of course I hadn’t written it that way but when I thought back Olivia’s husband had a lot of the qualities of mine!

James Everett had my husbands eyes, his loving heart and his fondness of children. I was shocked that I had done this and it played on my mind quite a bit.

A few days later whilst playing poker I looked across the table to my husband and he wiggled his eyebrows at me . I was blown away, a few hours earlier I had written a scene with Ben (the arch vampire of London) in which he did the exact same expression to Olivia. I realised what I had done!

I split my husband in two, his kind and soft side made up James Everett, his sexy and cocky side made up Ben. I guess it’s impossible to separate your own experiences from your writing. I just never thought I would add them in such a literal way!

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Introducing Nicky Bray…

In Book 1 on September 12, 2011 at 12:18 pm

After a long day Liv starts a long night…

“I pressed three to delete it and waited for the next message.

“Liv, it’s Nicky”

Nicky was an acquaintance of mine. He owned an Italian restaurant on the Southbank near the aquarium. We’d gotten to know each other last year when I saved him being chomped on by a nasty red-headed vamp. He got his life and I got free Italian whenever I was hungry. The message continued.

“I wasn’t expecting a machine. Erm. Look I need a favour. I’ve got a real problem down here”

Spit it out Nicky I thought to myself

“There’s someone, well something. Look Liv please I need your help. Just get here fast ok? Please. I promise there’s a lasagne in it for you”

I hung up. Great, nice and vague, the sun had only just gone down and I was already confused. It was going to be one of those nights.

By the time I arrived at Nicky’s it was 5.30. In November that meant it was officially night-time. I’d brought my gear with me. Bow, Arrows, stakes and a few syringes of garlic essence. Garlic won’t kill a vampire but it can really slow them down when used properly. Nicky’s restaurant stood in the middle of a row of shops. It wasn’t much to look at but Timeout had given it four stars so it was usually packed. Tonight was no exception even this early in the evening. I pushed open the door and was hit with a strong smell of cheese. It permeated the place after years of cooking the walls secreted the stuff. The restaurant was set up like a living room. Four round tables filed the small intimate space. Each table held twelve people so you either brought your whole family or you made friends. To the right of the place there was a small bar with a few bar flies. I guess everywhere had there regulars. I located Nicky quickly. He stood out in most crowds because of his hair. Nicky was a natural brunette but liked to change his hair colour as often as his underwear. Tonight it was cherry red, he was young for a restaurateur thirty fiveish, and I never got specifics. He was lean and tall but had recently developed a little pot belly. Carbs had caught up with him.

I called his name. When he turned to me I knew something was wrong. His usually bubbly blue eyes were pinched and tense, he motioned with his hand to the back. I followed eagerly as he led me to his office and asked me to sit. The office was immaculately kept, piles of neatly stacked paper work were ordered into in trays. The walls were lined with alphabetised cookbooks and his radio was talking mutely in the corner. He opened a window and lit a cigarette. He inhaled three times before he finally said

“Thanks for coming Liv”

“That’s no problem Nick”

I emphasised his name and waited for him to continue. He carried on smoking.

“Nicky” I said “What’s going on? You look like wound tighter than a dogs arse”

I’d never cared for subtlety.

“I’m in a bit of a pickle Liv” he began “I’ve got a serious problem in the kitchen and I feel awful asking you for help but I didn’t know what else to do”

“Spit it out Nicky, I’m loosing dark” he was starting to bug me

“Sorry” He breathed “I’ve caught a vampire Liv, A fucking vampire in my kitchen”

My heart sank, this had to be a joke, what did he mean in his kitchen? I took a moment then fixed him with a full on glare

“Ok Nick, Start from the top.”

He finished his cigarette and stubbed it out in an ashtray then chucked it out of the window.

“This morning I came in alone to open up. I have my routines. I go to the kitchen, I check everything is clean from the night before. I get out all the fresh ingredients and prep.” He hesitated “Then I get all the frozen meat out for defrosting. I went to the walk in freezer and it was already open. It didn’t make any sense because I knew I’d locked it. I’m a bit OCD when it comes to the restaurant. I walked up to inspect the hinge and that was when I heard it”

“It?” I asked

“The sucking” he paused “A quiet sucking noise, like a baby sucking on a bottle. I wasn’t sure what I was hearing so I bent into the freezer and I saw her. She was turned away from me, she was wearing a child’s play dress, yellow and pink and she had no shoes on. I didn’t know what she was, I only thought this child, this little girl must be cold so I called out to her. She turned and that’s when I realised. Her eyes were black holes in her face and she looked right through me. She was holding a raw T-bone steak to her mouth and sucking it. Like a fucking meat lollypop! She paused and looked up at me bearing her fangs. I slammed the door shut and haven’t been in there since”.

I was flabbergasted, this had to be a joke. None of it made any sense. Why was a vampire left alone after sunrise? Where had she come from? And the obvious question why has she chose to suck on Nicky’s stock instead of Nicky himself? I said the only thing I could

“Take me to her.” ”

(c) Karla Mouncey-Jaggers 2011

Richmond Writer’s Circle

In Book 1, Writing on September 8, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Recently I read an article on Ideas Tap that listed the ten things a writer wanting to be published should be doing. I was doing them all except for one point in the middle. Share your work with other writers.

I googled writers groups in my area and found Richmond Writer’s Circle. They were having a meeting the following night and I jumped at the chance to contact the organiser.

On Wednesday night I was ready to leave and I was so nervous! I had enlisted a friend to come with me for moral support. My exact words to convince her were “what if there all weirdos?” I spent an agonising half hour trying to choose the right extract to bring with me. I even went as far to time them so that it wasn’t too long!

We arrived too early nipped to the pub for a bit of Dutch courage. I don’t know why I was so nervous. I speak and perform in front of people every day but there was something about this. It was the fact that I was reading my own work. It wasn’t a monologue I had learned it wasn’t a practiced class it was my creation and a piece of soul given form.

We entered the meeting as one of the first people there and took our seats quietly. I was asked if I would like to read and requested to go last. As the seats around me started to fill up I felt more relaxed. Everyone was the same, all writers, all creatives.

I sat through an hour and forty-five of wonderfully eclectic work. There were some short poems reminiscent of Blake and Dickinson. Some light hearted rhetorics and some passionate shorts. I was most intrigued by the novel extracts seeing as I was reading from the same medium.

There were three novels read, two science fiction and one thriller. They were all very original and tangible. I found myself closing my eyes and floating away to 1930’s Paris. Then almost falling off my seat on a far away planet gasping to know what happened next. I was then enthralled by descriptive and inventive narrative which sent me to the future!

Then came my turn. My hands were shaking and my paper was turning wet under my fingers. I began reading, trying very hard to relax and breath. After the first few lines they laughed, they actually laughed. My writing was reaching them and they were actually enjoying it.

I gained more confidence as I went on and sunk into the reading. When I finished I looked up expectantly I was met with smiling faces. Their feedback was great, I mentioned that I was having some trouble with the beginning and they suggested I use this scene as the beginning. A great suggestion!

They also really liked the mixture of humour and comedy. Some one called it a great cocktail, another said that vampires had been done to death but the humour was a new twist.

It was a wonderful experience and I will absolutely return next week. I felt honoured to be included in this fabulously eccentric and talented group of people.